(Assistant) Coach’s Corner, Part 2 – The wrath of crazy hockey parents

If you haven’t read Part 1 of my experiences as a minor hockey assistant coach, you can find it HERE.

Up until this point of my young coaching career, things had gone fairly smoothly. Even if the team wasn’t winning every game, we were at least playing to win. We weren’t losing because we weren’t skating hard enough or not giving 100%, but because of breakdowns or forgivable mistakes. The kids were still having a lot of fun, which in the end is all that matters.

I was finally able to coach both goalies at the same time in practice! Given the large amount of teams in the region, the demand for ice time is incredibly high. A team is supposed to have two ice sessions per week at the Midget B level, which is often 1 game and 1 practice. If you have 2 games in one week, it’s rare you get a practice scheduled. You can of course purchase ice time, but it’s expensive. At the Midget B level, the kids are just there to have fun. They, or rather their parents, are not willing to pay huge sums of money for more practice time, in the hopes that it will somehow make their child a superstar. So we are lucky to get one practice a week, but I can only imagine what a nightmare it must be for the association to try and schedule practices for all the teams. It’s done mostly by volunteers, and it must be difficult having to schedule around games or other scheduled events. I don’t envy those administrators!

I’m very fortunate to be coaching two young goalies who want to be coached, and who want to get better. They both have different strengths and weaknesses, but both are very eager to learn. That week, we focused on repositioning after a save, emphasizing the need to be quick, aggressive, and to be square to the puck. It went really well.

I will now get to the interesting part of this story. That same weekend, we were facing a team from a town that has a certain…reputation, when it comes to the parents of minor hockey players. They are considered some of the most vocal, intense, and aggressive parents in the region. Although I had never faced a team from this town, even when I was playing, I was still very aware of their reputation.

The game started out smoothly enough. It was a fast game, and both teams were playing hard for the first goal. Obviously there was a bit of pushing and shoving here and there, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Then on of their players “snowed” our goalie, stopping just inches away from her and showering her in snow.

This led to a big scrum behind the net, with players shoving their gloves into each other’s cages and putting one another in headlocks. One of our players was ejected from the game (with another one soon after), and the player who snowed our goalie got a 2 minute penalty for unsportmanlike conduct. Personally, I thought he should have been ejected with our player, as he was just as rough (not to mention he started the whole thing).

Things could have ended there. However, the parents of the other team decided to take the hostility to an entirely unnecessary level. They started yelling at the ref, our players, our coaches, and they would not let up. The vulgarity coming out of these parent’s mouths was disgraceful. When one of our ejected players finished getting changed and returned to the stands, some parents from the other team were waiting for him. Our team had scored since then, and the parents started chirping the 15 year old, saying “Your team’s a lot better when you’re not playing, eh loser?”, and other completely unnecessary comments. One of the parents came to our side of the rink and stood there, yelling obsenities at our coaches and players for the rest of the game. As much as you try to tune it out and carry one playing the game, it’s not easy.

I’ve written previously about parents and their unnacceptable conduct when it comes to hockey (link HERE). I think parents forget that these are kids playing hockey for fun. Those are two key words in that sentence: KIDS, and FUN. Obviously it’s natural for parents to be engaged in the game, and showing passion in a positive way is always encouraged. But this was, in no way, positive. It was ruthless. I know the kids on our team didn’t have a lot of fun that game, and I’m willing to bet money that the other team didn’t have the greatest of times either. It was hostile for everyone, and you could feel the tension in the stands. It was more aggressive in the stands with the parents than it was with the kids on the ice. The kids just wanted to play hockey.

The problem is that the unruly parents get away with it. No one wants to approach a fellow parent who is acting unreasonably and tell them off like a small child, thus inviting their wrath of anger onto you. But besides having league-appointed ushers at each game to keep parents in order, there is no other way to discipline parents besides self-policing. It’s up to fellow parents and the coaches to make sure all the parents act in a civil and respectable manner. Often coaches set out clear rules for parents at a parent meeting at the beginning of the season, as our head coach did. I’m not saying this is in any way an easy task, but it’s necessary. No one benefits from verbal abuse, and the ones who really suffer are the kids. Being yelled at by an adult is extremely intimidating for kids, and there’s no excuse for doing it, ever.

We ended up losing that game. The parents on the other side were thrilled, and made it very clear how they flet about us “losers”. Their hostility was contagious for the other team, and they didn’t even line up to do the customary handshake after the game. I would bet money that if the parents had been respectful and calm all game, the teams would have shook hands after the game. It’s the parents that caused it to escalate to the extent that it did.

After a 2 week hiatus for Christmas and New Years, we were back at it the day before school started. We got a convincing 7-0 win against a very good team, so for the time being the team is flying high. As the coach that works with the goalies in practices, getting a shutout is always a good feeling!

We have no practices this week, but we do have a game on Saturday. We haven’t had a practice in over a month, due to bad weather, unfortunate scheduling, and the winter break. Who knows, maybe we’ll get a practice in next week! I’ll keep you all posted.

About Andrew Davis

Andrew is the Head Equipment Manager of the Concordia Stingers Women's Hockey team in Montreal, Quebec. He writes on his personal blog Odd Socks and Random thoughts, as well as about hockey on The Puck Stops Here.

Posted on January 19, 2014, in (Assistant) Coach's Corner, Minor Hockey and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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